how are you going to tell me a gay man is not a part of this nation when he could also be the same man fighting on the home front for this country. how are you going to tell me a black man isn't a part of this nation when he may as well have been in this country longer than you have. tell me how a woman isn't a part of this nation when she, herself could go to war and risk her life for the lives of the thousands that live in this country or how she is returned with a flag instead of the loved one she saw off to the battle for this country. tell me how a muslim man is not a part of this nation when he can devote his life to protecting the people within it.
HOW are they not a part of this nation?
we have had the words to the pledge of allegiance engraved in our minds for the longest of time.
"with liberty and justice for all."
you do NOT get to decide who is a part of this country based on their race.
you do NOT get to decide who is a part of this country based on their sexual orientation.
you do NOT get to decided who is a part of this country based upon their religious beliefs.
you do NOT get to choose who you think is a part of this country.
there are so many people in the world today struggling to a fight a battle they did not choose to be a part of due to politicians and their egos. there are children mourning for the loss of a parent, a loss they shouldn't even have to. these same children went from going to school every day to being covered in blood from the mutilated bodies of their loved ones.
we see these same children on t.v. as they stare lifelessly into our eyes covered by media networks. no one is helping and they've accepted it.
they've accepted the fact that no one is going to save them. they've accepted the fact that a bomb may land just outside their door. they've accepted their fate.
a fate we could be changing.
i don't know about you, but that doesn't sit well with me.
we write shit under instagram videos of this destruction happening but as soon as we exit the app its done and over with.
it's scary how indifferent the human race has become to the sight of people dying.
commenting "how heartbreaking" with a few sad faced emojis and then moving on to another video of some woman doing her makeup without concerning yourself about what you had seen a mere 20 seconds ago makes you just as bad as the killers.
ask yourself this, if you were in their position how would you feel knowing people are watching your struggle and doing nothing to save you?
an apology to the children lost due to the evils they had not yet to know.
i'm sorry. i'm sorry you were born into a world where the phrase "an eye for an eye," is how the world turns round.
i'm sorry you were forced to hide in pantries for the safety of your well being as your parents were being killed a few feet away from you. i'm sorry you've had to be taken away from your mothers and fathers for your own protection.
i'm sorry you may have jumped into a pile of blood and continued your way to school without a care. i'm sorry you've had to fall asleep to the sounds of gunshots and men screaming in agony due to a war they wished ceased to exist. i'm sorry you weren't allowed another day to dream of better things.
i'm mostly sorry that seeing a dead man had become normal to you. i'm sorry your reaction to death is no longer one of fear and horror. i'm sorry you've seen things most adults haven't had the terror of witnessing.
i'm so sorry i've taken everything in my life for granted when you couldn't live another day to see the sun.
i wish i could tell them that not all police officers are out to kill, most put on their badge and kiss their children and wives/husbands goodbye and pray they don't get shot while fighting for the justice they seek. they went to police academy as young men and/or women seeking fairness in a world of evil.
i wish i could tell these men that hide behind their badges that they're human too. just because they have a gun does not mean they are any more powerful.
i wish i could tell all of them the minute you pull the trigger you are taking a child, a parent, a friend away.
i wish i could tell them that,
but no one wants to listen to a silly teenager who doesn't understand what loss feels like.
•••
they see this badge and they are supposed to believe they are safe.
they see this badge and they are supposed to believe they are taken care of.
they see this badge and their eyes widen in fear.
they see this badge and they pray to god this isn't the end of their story.
they see this badge and they watch the blood trickle from their body.
they see this badge and they think about the face,
how many more lives? how many more lives must these radical racists take before they are satisfied? they're no different from terrorists. they create destruction and take lives. they are terrorists. and we must take the same actions with them as we do with people who strike terror.
i like to believe i speak as a third party. i am not black. i am not white. but maybe i am biased. maybe not by the color of my skin but the way i see people. i see us to be the same; you, me, alton sterling, trayvon martin, etc. what makes us different from these black men who were shot and murdered in cold blood? we don't share the same skin color? is that justification to take a father, a brother, a son?
i will not stand idly by as i watch innocent men and women not live to see another day because of their skin color. i will not stand idly by as i watch another HUMAN'S life taken away. i will not stand idly by as another child cries for their parent who they lost at the hands of racism. I WILL NOT STAND IDLY BY AND WATCH ANOTHER MAN UNABLE TO SEE TOMORROW BECAUSE OF THE COLOR OF HIS SKIN.
i will not.
neither should you.
the change begins with us and it begins now.
bring justice to all the men and women killed at the hands of racism. do this for them. speak up for them. this is for them.
and ask yourself this
why is it that we only speak up for the wrongs of racism when a life is taken?
there is so much evil in the world, it's sickening. every person is born solely good with an innocence that hasn't yet been tainted. it's beautiful and it explains my love for children, so alive and uncaring. but bad things happen to good people. terrorists, for instance, were born good. they were once babies. they were once pure. however, something has caused these select individuals to believe taking lives is okay. that it's right. that it's justified. it's not. taking a life due to your radical beliefs will not bring among the change you wish to see. it will not bring people to listen to you. it will cause fear and chaos, something they cease to understand. they're not doing the world justice which they seem to believe, they're creating a path of destruction. they're destroying the good in others and that is something i choose not to stand for. we must unite, not as muslims or christians or hindus, etc. we must unite as human beings. we must not be separated by the belief that our religions are superior to another. we must strive together to bring amongst change. we are the children of mother earth and we are destroying her creation or what we know as "humanity." stop the violence and learn to love. there is still humanity left in those we see as incapable of emotion, we need to show those select individuals that they won't break the barrier of love we've wrapped around our souls. we are a new generation. we are not our parents or our grandparents. let the change begin with us, for we are the future.
as quickly as the name was heard it was just as quickly forgotten.
but it will never be forgotten for the woman whose virtue he stole. the life he stole from her. the future he stole from her.
sex, which is supposed to be a beautiful, magical thing has been tainted with evil.
an evil he caused.
friends and family have come forward talking about what a great boy he was and discussing his athletic achievements as if that makes up for what he's done.
isn't funny how not once do we hear about the woman or what a great girl she was before this incident destroyed her.
is this justice?
no one talked about what a struggle she's going through trying to get up each morning or the way she scrubs her skin so hard, leaving angry red rashes everywhere trying so desperately to forget the wrong she faced.
is this justice?
the victim was forgotten.
is this justice?
a man who forced himself upon a woman who wasn't willing nor was she conscious was let off easy with six months but those six months will never be enough for her to forget what was done to her.
is this justice?
his name will remain forever ingrained in our minds.
a pathetic excuse of a man. a stain amongst humanity. a rapist.
so to all his friends and family claiming what a great boy he was; tell me why he was found with his pants to his ankles behind a dumpster raping an unconscious, unwilling woman when clearly he's a golden boy who could have had consensual sex with a willing woman?
okay? what is okay? nothing is okay especially not me. i'm laughing hysterically as tears roll down my cheeks in pure distress. can't you see them? can't you?
"i'm fine."
"how's life been treating you?"
my world is slowly crumbling down around me and i'm trying to pick up the pieces and glue them back together. everything is falling apart and i no longer know how to fix it. please. help me.
this is the playlist i dance my sadness out to. tears will slowly leak from the corners of my eyes effectively destroying me as i spin and spin until everything is a little bit hazy and my legs burn in hopes that maybe, just maybe, i'll collapse.
- medicine by daughter
- in my veins by andrew belle
- pieces by andrew belle
- follow you down to the red oak tree by james vincent mcmorrow
there is a lot of security that comes with insecurity. you've beaten yourself down so much to the point where an ugly comment made by another person hasn't been something unknown. in fact, it's quite friendly because that's not the worst thing that you've said to yourself as you look into your mirror everyday pointing out every imperfection that blemishes your flawed face.
you make reminders to yourself when you accidentally look someone in the eye. you're apologizing to them for catching a glimpse of the weakness you possess.
insecurity is something stemmed from within, spurred by a hurtful comment made once to you.
no matter how many times someone says you're beautiful be it your parents, your lover or your friends you don't believe it because some horrible person destroyed you the minute some hurtful words left their mouth.
the worst part is the fact that this person doesn't realize the impact they've had on your existence. they don't realize how much of a struggle it is for you to see yourself in the morning.
they don't.
they continue through life with an ease in their step as you're treading on sharp rocks somewhere deep inside your own soul.
instead of degrading someone's essence with a negative world, rebuild the confidence someone else broke in them.
be a someone.
(picture credit goes to the rightful owners and models for capturing the essence of purity, thank you whomever you may be)
irrational insecurity. i know i'm not the only one that gets this way. the sudden feeling of insecurity after months of confidence is overwhelming. you lash out at everyone around you because you're unhappy with yourself. it's understandable, it is, i promise. it's not really spurred by things around you, but what the hell do i know? i'm just a teenage girl still trying to grasp the concept of high school, grades and boys; three catalysts for a mental breakdown.
i'm trying, i truly am, to explain the irrational bursts of anger or the moments of sadness i experience. usually it's spurred by my sense of not belonging. i don't belong in a class full of people who, more than halfway through the semester don't even know my name. i don't belong in a class full of geniuses.
i'm mediocre. average.
i'm not beautiful or pretty. i'm ok, and that's crediting my looks for more than i should. i'm not the brightest nor am i the dimmest. my personality is not the best.
these are my insecurities. writing them down has helped me cope with them and cool down during this time of "irrational insecurity."
this is for all of you readers.
if you don't believe you're beautiful, it's okay. you have another trait that most people wish for. maybe you're the next Albert Einstein.
if you don't believe you're smart, it's okay. you probably know how to play a musical instrument like Jimi fricken Hendrix.
stop discrediting yourself for what you're not and start looking for things that make you a little bit different than the model on Victoria's Secret billboards.
to all the plants that have been killed under my watch. i'm sorry.
(dedicated to jackie for bringing this brilliant idea to my attention during a boring french day)
to every billy, simon, leonard, shirley, lucy, and harold that i've ever had.
i'm sorry i wasn't the best caretaker. i'm sorry i didn't feed you enough to sustain you, and more often than not forgot about you. i really am, sorry that is. i thought i was ready to handle and take on a couple lives but i really wasn't. that was my fault. it was a bad judgement call but i promise to take care of the next ones. i promise to treat my next plants as my children because really, plants sustain us as human beings.
i don't think i appreciated my small plants enough. you all had an entire life ahead of you, to grow and prosper. i destroyed that chance and i'm sorry, truly i am.
now you're compost in another plant's pot but at least you're being taken care of.
appreciate mother nature, because really, everyday is earth day.
growing up my mom and dad were really accepting, especially with how they raised their children. this is one of the many things in life i'm thankful for. my parents never had problems with anybody in the lgbtq+ community. to my parents they were just people. it didn't matter who they went home to at the end of the night or what their gender preference was.
they were just people.
growing up i never found it weird that a man and a man wanted to be together. i thought it was a bit different but never wrong. the mentality instilled in me by my parents was that "we're all humans." we all die. we all breathe. we all love.
so when i went to middle school and high school i was mildly surprised that people were so cruel towards others with a different gender preference.
why. why. why.
when i heard that a boy committed suicide simply because he liked men, the reality of it all struck me. not everyone grew up like me. not everyone is as accepting. not everyone is as kind as i had originally deemed them to be.
most people think they're making the right call by justifying their bullying as a part of their religion.
religion is meant to teach love and acceptance but mankind has turned it into something its not.
its not cruelty. its not hatred.
its love.
telling gay people they are sinning when all they are doing is loving is wrong.
show me where in your sacred scriptures that is says being an active member of the lgbtq+ is a sin.
tell me where it says that loving is wrong.
tell me, if a woman simply came into a store and displayed so much kindness towards you and others does it really matter if she goes home to a woman?
grow up and open your eyes.
it's 2016.
(i would just like to thank my graphic design for playing great music to spur my writing + picture credit goes to tumblr.)
growing up, i was always the in-betweener: not popular, but not completely friendless either. over time, obviously, my voice has died down to nothing but a bare whisper leaving me exposed and vulnerable to the rest of the world. teachers ask me to speak up because i'm far too quiet but not too long ago they had to tell me to be quiet because i was far too loud. i wasn't bullied by a person per say, but my own mind. i was called ugly my entire life and people would consistently talk about me behind my back but i shouldn't complain because people have had it worse right? they have to deal with worse, right?
no.
bullying is bullying and it affects everyone in the same way. we all felt hurt.
i wrote something not too long ago and i will probably attach a video that will most likely bring you to tears (or i hope) because then you'll get it. you'll understand through the power of words the hurt victims feel.
calling someone a simple name can bring them spiraling down into a hole with no sense of happiness. think before you speak because you could be someone's breaking point.
no one can psychologically explain bullies, but in my opinion they're not the way they are just for fun. no, they're hurting too and they're taking their hurt out on other people because their mentality is "why should anyone else be happy when i'm not?"
being a firsthand victim of bullying, i understand what its like to feel that hurt and somehow i conjured up a piece that put my hurt into words but it also brought out a strength that i never knew i had.
we go to school in hopes that we might not be called another name.
maybe just for a day we may remain invisible to the predators that see us as their prey.
"you're a freak,"
they tell us.
"you don't belong,"
they taunt.
it's a constant battle within yourself trying to prove that you're not a freak. that you do belong.
we are sent to school by our parents thinking it's safe, that we won't experience the cruelty of the world in a place that they deem is safe.
they're wrong.
the cruelty of the world exists in the safest of places because it is not the school but the students that ridicule all those that are different.
we see and we hear the sounds of bullying, yet most of us stand and others join because it seems "cool."
it's not.
i was called ugly for the first time in second grade and overtime the obscenities spoken to me have an increased by rank.
"you're a slut,"
they tell me but they don't acknowledge the fact that i have not once had a boyfriend.
we sit in the back of classes, zippers as our mouths but the minute we step in the hallways it's a battlefield waiting for the first to come out alive.
no one ever does.
they think that meaningless words like whore and asshole can't take away lives.
they don't understand that the power of their words cut like knives.
overtime we lose all our sanity and our hearts of gold,
because we are the victims.
we are blamed when shootings occur,
or when lives are taken.
but who is really to blame?
we struggle on a daily basis to remain calm and not to break,
but all we are consumed with is emotional heartache.
a woman is never at fault for the harassment she receives by an abuser who lacks control. girls go to school learning the rights and wrongs of how to dress and what is socially acceptable so they are not provoking rapists. we teach "how not to get raped" but we don't teach "don't rape." administrators spend so much time policing the way girls dress but they do not give a second to talk about consent.
a woman should be able to go out at midnight without the fear of being raped. a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants without a rapist making it as though "she wanted it." a woman should be able to stand in a room full of males and not feel absolutely terrified.
a woman should never have to repeatedly announce that she did not ask for it, that she is not a slut, that what she was wearing does not mean she said yes. that is rape culture and it needs to stop.
rapists know exactly what they are doing as they do it. they knew what they were doing when they took their victim into a room. they knew what they were doing when they took their victim's clothes off. they knew what they were doing when they began undressing themselves. they knew. but did they stop?
no.
women are often blamed for provoking rape due to the way they dress or by the way they act, but that's not the case. women who are fully covered from head to toe are still raped. was SHE showing too much skin? women who offer simply a smile are still raped. was SHE asking for it?
the answer is always no.
no woman asks to be raped regardless of whether she dances with you, regardless of whether she was flirting with you, regardless of whether she was completely naked.
no to not consented sex. no to "she wanted it." no to rape.
short skirts and tight t-shirts don't rape. rapists rape.
so why are women blamed for something they did not ask for?
it is in human nature to subconsciously judge another according to their ethnicity, race, social class, etc. more often than not we act upon our subconscious beliefs. we treat them differently. you can't change the way your subconscious sees others but you can prevent yourself from further acting upon it. one of the major results of our subconscious is racism. racism happens everywhere amongst everyone. between whites, blacks, yellows, browns, etc. it's funny isn't it? these were just colors being listed but as you read each one an image popped into your mind. brown correlates with middle eastern/indians, black correlates with african americans, whites correlate with caucasians, and so on. someone today will experience being called a name based on any one of the colors mentioned. as of lately there's been a lot of tension between whites and blacks. one must realize that not every white person is horrible or racist and not every black person is bad and "thuggish." this equality thing, it works both ways. white supremacy has ended. this isn't the 1900's anymore. it's 2015 and one would believe that 100 years later we would grow to accept and correct the errors of our ways. one would think we'd look beyond skin color. it's disappointing. all lives matter regardless of your race, ethnicity, religion, gender preference, etc. no human being deserves to be treated as a minority of lesser existence.
strip us of our skin and flesh, we are all the same underneath. so what makes a white man better than a black man? what makes one person believe they're above another?
(not my pictures. all credit is given to the owners.)
you gotta love yourself kid. wake up at 6 a.m. just to watch the sun rise. brew some coffee as the birds sing their songs. go to concerts. compliment the girl singing at the top of her lungs even though she got half the lyrics wrong. ask your customers at work how their day was and genuinely listen to what they have to say. come home and take a bath after a bad day. light some vanilla scented candles. do your laundry midday and prance around in your underwear until it's done so you can have a warm pair of freshly clean pants to put on. you've got to stop getting upset over what happened three years ago and focus on what will happen tomorrow. you are not another sun chasing the moon. you're the stars. stop pining over that boy that broke your heart and stop loving that girl who will never reciprocate your feelings. stop worrying so much about the opinions of other people. sleep in on your day offs and cuddle a pillow. fuck it. love yourself. you've gotta love yourself kiddo.
Depression is such a touchy subject, shunned by society and popularized by "tragic" teens seeking some attention. What of the people who truly do feel depressed? They're ridiculed because they're either just some lame teen wanting attention or an adult who should have "sorted their problems out." Being depressed is not fun. You feel empty but you feel everything. Sometimes you can't even tell when someone is truly depressed because of the front they put up. It's hard to see the bubbly girl or boy you have come to know struggling with this sickness. That's what depression is. It's a sickness. It's not contagious, yes, but it effects your work ethic, your mindset, it effects you as a person. You've gone so long with putting up this front that it's now apart of you. You just can't seem to let it go. Telling someone isn't an option either because all they'll think is that you're just some lame teen wanting attention or an adult who should have "sorted their problems out."
(not mine. picture credit goes to tumblr.)
